The Long Haul
Weeks ago, as this journey began, there was a flurry of activity and emotions. Getting things in order. Understanding the diagnosis and the plan. Tests. Procedures. Appointments. Starting the ominous process. An anxious energy.
Now we're in the long term slog. One foot in front of the other. Nothing fancy. Mundane. Still a lot of unknowns. Fears still swirl. Tears still come. Highs and lows with each turn. But we're just putting one foot in front of the other. This week I hit a different gear. A more settled persistence. It becomes more and more clear that I can't set the pace on this timeline. I'm a closure-oriented person, so I just want to check off the boxes: Treatment one—check. Two through sixteen—check, check, check. Surgery—check. Healing—check. But that's not how this works. Each week is nuanced. I can't control outcomes. So we keep walking. Hiking to the next tree.
I know a lot of you too are in this slow deliberate trek. We are with you. We are praying for you. Anthony and I have regular prayer times together when we call out to the Lord with our own needs, but also pray by name for those of you we know are suffering, struggling, and desperate to experience the nearness of Jesus. We pray with deeper groans now than we did before, because we have a front row seat to the desperation that comes with these types of heartaches and distress.
Thank you for praying for us particularly for our Saturdays. We can tell you are. Anthony is doing better than usual on this Saturday, even after blood test results. Please continue, as the threat of fear and despair often feels right around the corner ready to pounce. To clarify, it's not that I don't care about my bloodwork numbers, but honestly it's over my head, and I'm more focused on how I feel day in and day out. But for Anthony, as my caregiver who can't feel what my body is feeling, these concrete numbers often seem to be the only "tangible" thing he can grasp to get an idea of how I'm doing. So it feels more ominous for him.
Today, most of my blood test numbers are normal (thankful for that!) but my liver numbers are still headed in the wrong direction. We don't know what that means and have learned we shouldn't try to guess. We'll just wait until Monday when we can talk to a doc. They may hold off treatment, they may change tactics, they may proceed with the infusion.. We'll find out when we get there.
We continue asking the Lord for the same things: Please eradicate the cancer. Please grant long-term bodily protection. Give wisdom to the doctors to move us towards these ends. Sustain us with perseverance and hope as we battle. Make us a blessing to others as we go. Use all of this for your glory.
Thank you for sticking with us!
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ...
Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. —2 Corinthians 1:3-5, 9
Prayer:
Thankful for no headaches again this week!
That my liver numbers will normalize. Wisdom for the doctors as they navigate treatment.
Without going into great detail, my body hasn't yet figured out how to adjust to the hormonal changes happening, so my medical team is considering a procedure to help with some of the gynecological symptoms I'm experiencing. Please pray for wisdom as we weigh options and make a decision.
For patience, perseverance, and open-handedness on this long road.
Pictures: (1) Rick, our nurse navigator at Jefferson, has become an ally, friend and advocate. We look forward to when he pops his head in to say hi and check on us during infusions. So thankful for the many compassionate, capable healthcare workers the Lord has given us on this road!
(2) I enjoyed the week with my youngest sister, Kate, who was visiting from Florida. She and my mom took good care of me on my "crash" day :)