First Sunday at Church After Diagnosis
I have to admit, it was a step of faith showing up at church today. I had mixed emotions going into it. I wanted to be with my church family to walk through this together with ones we love, but I was also apprehensive, unsure of how overwhelming it would feel (I'm not a natural "center of attention" person). To my relief, it was a wonderful day full of hugs, tears, worship, and hope. From day one at New Life Dresher (10 years ago!), we have always felt like we can be ourselves and don't have to "put up a front" or pretend we're okay...even as the pastor's family. I don't take that for granted. The culture of understanding that we are all both "needy and needed" is one of the things we love most about NLD, and that proved to be a comfort today. Our tears flowed most when we looked out over our beloved congregation and saw other tear-streaked faces of dear ones who are also walking through their own valleys of suffering. And in a unique way, it was a comfort to know we are all in this together.
Last week, a friend and fellow local pastor, Ajay Thomas from Seven Mile Road Church, offered to preach in Anthony's place this Sunday. Ajay has walked this breast cancer road with his wife, so he really understood (more than we did at the time) that Anthony may need relief this Sunday. At first, Anthony thought he might feel okay to preach, but after our long, hard day last Friday, we realized that Ajay's offer was a gift we needed to gratefully receive. And what a gift it was—not just to us, but to our entire church body! God knew exactly what we needed on this particular Sunday.
From his own experience with suffering, Ajay humbly taught us from Psalm 88—the only Psalm that does not resolve with a hopeful ending. The psalmist cries out to God. "O Lord, God of my salvation, I cry out day and night before you. ... You have put me in a deep, dark pit! … I suffer your terrors; I am helpless." Over and over, he cries out to God, asking, "Why do you hide your face from me when I'm looking for you the most!" (my paraphrase). What a comfort that we have a God who put a Psalm like this in the Bible to give us permission to vent our frustration, feelings of hopelessness, and even anger to him. I don't think there was a dry eye in the place because who can't relate to this on some level as we experience distress through life? But my favorite part was when Ajay concluded with the life-changing truth that Jesus himself experienced the depth of suffering when he was separated from God his Father as he died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. He endured complete isolation in darkness and separation from God so that I and all those who trust in him would never have to! This is my solid, unwavering hope on this unknown journey ahead—from now into eternity. It is a truth that has given me comfort many times on the path of my life, but never more so than now.
To add to the impact of the morning, Ajay realized as he arrived that two years ago TO THE DAY, he announced to his own church congregation that his wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer! She is thriving and doing great today. What a meaningful touch from the Lord to encourage Ajay's heart and all of ours. He cares even about the little details.
I encourage you to listen to Ajay's message here (Anthony shares an intro at the 46 minute mark. Then Ajay starts preaching around the 55 minute mark).
Sarah