Prom Pictures and Pressing On
Today, Anthony and I returned from a morning prayer walk to find a beautiful wildflower arrangement on our doorstep. These spontaneous expressions of friendship and love from so many of you continue to amaze us. He uses you all as tangible reminders that he is always thinking of us and knows our course. Thank you for your thoughtful care.
I cried a lot this week for some reason, probably for a lot of reasons. It could be the steroids I've been on for almost 40 days now. Perhaps it's weighing options for my upcoming surgery. Maybe it's watching selfless friends work outside to create a healing space to help me recover. And quite possibly, it's the letting go of our soon-to-be graduate as she looks toward college. This certainly is a season full of a range of emotions, happy and sad tears sometimes all at once.
A friend sent me these verses this week, and they were just what I needed. The happy/sad tears freely flowed as I sat in the truth of these words:
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.
For you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. —Psalm 63:1-4, 7-8
It's in these hard seasons that I must give counsel to my soul.
This is where God's solid, unchanging truth brings stability when the winds are howling, and my emotions are all over the map. With help from this Psalm, I remind my soul... The God who made heaven and earth is my God. I am so thirsty for him in this dry landscape of my life. In him only is where true, faultless power and glory are found. God's love for me does not waver; it's relentless, resolute, and steadfast; I can count on it. He is my help. His wings are my shade and shelter. He is upholding me. Because of this, I will bless him and praise him. I will cling to him and sing for joy.
I'm so grateful for the anchor of God's word.
By way of medical update, my liver numbers have improved—not normal, but better. For perspective, the "normal" ALT liver range is under 30. At its peak, I was at 147, and right now, I'm at 64. So we're on a better trajectory. My white blood cell count and my neutrophils (Absolute) are both low, so I need to be careful about exposure to sickness (yes, we wear masks even around our house when someone has a sniffle). The doc may start me on Granix injections again this week to boost these numbers. These injections do the trick, but also give me bone pain. We'll see what she says. Due to the Memorial Day holiday, I will go in for my infusion on Tuesday of this week (instead of my usual Monday).
Overall, it was a good week—highs and lows with energy, but even the low days were manageable. Thankfully, nausea is rare at this point, and I did not experience flu symptoms this time around. Fatigue is increasing as chemo goes on, but I'm learning to distinguish the different types of fatigue-discerning when a walk or a nap will help. And I even enjoyed Maddie's senior prom pictures this week on my crash day (after a preparatory nap)! Day by day, step by step, we're making it through. The Lord is answering your prayers. Thank you for standing with us!
Prayer:
Anthony will be working on his doctorate all week with his cohort. Please pray this will be a restorative time for him to think about something other than cancer! Just as my body needs occasional rest from treatment, our prayer is that this will be a good emotional rest for him as a caregiver.
For continued wisdom for doctors with my treatment--that yields long-term health.
That God will give wisdom and clear direction as I look ahead and consider surgery options.
For protection from infection as I continue on prednisone, and my neutrophils and white blood cell count are low. And for persistence through minor but nagging chemo symptoms like mouth sores, constipation, fatigue, bone pain, hot flashes, and headaches.
Pictures: We enjoyed "getting out" for Maddie's Senior Prom pictures. Wonderful to see friends and neighbors and act like normal people :)