Manna for Today
I was thankful for the added time to recover this week. Short periods of nausea and fatigue came and went, but I felt much better overall (as compared to last week) and had the energy to engage in normal life. In other good news, my liver is in normal range for the first time since I started treatment! 🙌 There are a couple of questionable new bloodwork numbers that we don’t understand, but we’ve learned, instead of speculating, to wait for our doctors’ explanation on Monday.
On Tuesday of this past week, Anthony and I had a unique opportunity to share how Jesus is meeting us in our cancer journey. The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF), where I used to work, interviewed us for a video they will share at their National Conference* on “Rest” in October. (Incidentally, I also had the joy of doing the voiceover for CCEF’s conference promo this year). When first asked to do this interview, I was hesitant and almost declined. I felt like there were so many others who would be better at this sort of thing. But as I prayed about it, the Holy Spirit reminded me this is just one more opportunity to talk about where my hope comes from amid the suffering life brings. From the beginning of this journey, Anthony and I have been asking the Lord to use this cancer for his kingdom purposes, so how could I say no to this open door? It was a sweet time to reflect on these past six months and share some of what we’re learning, particularly regarding finding rest in this season of suffering.
As adversity squeezes the toothpaste tube of life, it brings my propensities into clearer focus. One of the things it’s revealing is how often I worry about the future…even just about tomorrow. As I do, I become anxious, overwhelmed, and fearful. I can make up all kinds of potential outcomes in my mind, fearing things that might never even happen—it's astounding how many times in a day I catch myself obsessing over the "what ifs" of the future. I also have worries about the future that I know will happen: I will have another infusion of the red devil this next week. I will have surgery. Those aren’t imaginations. But I’m not there yet, and I don’t know yet how the Lord will show up to give me the courage to go through with another infusion, to help me with nausea, to give me what I need emotionally, physically, and spiritually for surgery, recovery, etc. Matthew 6:34 reminds me…
Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (English Standard Version)
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. (The Message)
God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. What a comfort, and also a discipline!—to take every thought captive when my mind wants to run ahead and fixate on future fears. God has not yet given me grace for tomorrow. I can hear my mother in my ear saying, “Don’t borrow trouble.” God has given me what I need for today. And he will give me what I need for tomorrow when it comes.
When the nation of Israel was wandering in the wilderness for forty years, God gave them manna for food for each day. When they tried to gather more than necessary and save it until the next day, it got worms and stank! But “morning by morning they gathered it” (Exodus 16:19-21)—consistent, constant, dependable, never late. Their sustenance was fresh with each morning, just like his mercy for me today: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23).
This was evidenced even last week when I was so anxious about getting the red devil for the first time. It turned out that God showed up in a unique way, through prayer with my healthcare friend, to give me courage and calm my fears. I could never have predicted that scenario, but God knew what I needed to get me through, and he provided “manna” for that moment.
God is so personal. He knows his children inside and out and provides in ways that are unique to each of us—all of you who love and follow Jesus can attest to this. Our God is unequaled and all-powerful but not remote or impersonal. He is all about the details. So I don’t need to fear. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.
Please pray…
I’m anxious about Monday’s infusion, anticipating what the following week could hold. Please ask the Lord to give me peace and courage. Pray that I will live in God’s grace today and trust him for tomorrow.
I’m still periodically experiencing neuropathy symptoms all over my body; please pray this is not long-term but will resolve after I’m finished with chemo.
For Gospel conversations with our healthcare friends. We care deeply for the friends we’ve made at the cancer center, and with only 3 more visits remaining (Lord willing!), we long for opportunity to talk at a deeper level.
Pictures: (1) Our living room became a recording studio for the CCEF interview this week. (2) CCEF recorded us on one of our walks around our neighborhood for some b-roll. (3) It was sweet to be with some of my CCEF friends (and former co-workers), Jodie and Will, for the shoot.
*You may read more about CCEF’s 2024 National Conference on “Rest” here.