Life in the Valley
Anthony had a great final class with his doctorate cohort in St. Louis this week. It was a busy time balancing coursework with church work back home, but it was relationally refreshing for him to connect with his cohort buddies. Now he begins the two-year process of writing!
Thankfully, life on the home front was uneventful while he was away. I had my mom and mother-in-law with me at my infusion — what a treat to have both of them together! I couldn't ask for two more loving, attentive caregivers! And having Anthony's mom with us all this week was a big help.
My blood work came back pretty good today. My platelets are low, but my liver is in normal range for the first time since I started chemo (and I'm almost off of steroids)! I went in daily for Granix injections this week, so my neutrophils are way up. I'm taking Gabapentin to address my neuropathy. While I'm still experiencing symptoms, they are becoming more minimal as my dosage gradually increases. We have a meeting with our nurse practitioner on Monday morning.
It will be good to process with her about how to best finish this round of treatment—only two more infusions of Taxol/Carbo! Even though it still feels like an uphill climb with "the red devil" and surgery ahead, it also feels good to be making progress on this road. I'm thankful to have made it this far.
When I first heard I had cancer, I thought, "I don't want to do this. I don't know if I can do this." The road ahead felt daunting and overwhelming. I knew the only way to the other side was through the valley, and the valley looked ominous, scary, and unknown. But, lacking better alternatives, I tentatively took the next step. And the next. And the next. Hand in hand with Jesus, my good Shephera, by my side. I have not felt alone. I find myself living out psalm 23:4: “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Jesus is a competent companion. He has the tools to guide, protect, comfort and care for me on this journey, and I'm experiencing that. I can truly say that even though the road through the valley is scary, it's also full of surprising beauty along the way: tangible needs met in unexpected ways, the kindness of strangers and friends alike, peace of heart and mind when it's not natural, the character I trust God is carving out in me, the awe of how he is advancing science and medicine, giving the medical field vision and insight toward solutions and better care. There are things I'm learning about God, life, people, that I would miss without the valley of cancer. Life in the valley has heightened my senses and made me more aware; given me a different lens on life, a gratitude for simple things. Don't get me wrong, cancer is not fun, I wouldn't choose this road, but with my good Shepherd, I'm finding there is still full life to be had in the valley.
Prayer:
That between Gabapentin and a lower chemo dose, my neuropathy will resolve and not be a permanent issue. And that the upcoming MRI scan will be favorable.
For energy for Maddie's graduation and celebrations this coming week.
That the Lord would work out my chemo schedule to be able to drop Maddie off at college in August.
Pictures: (1) Anthony's Doctorate cohort (2 & 3) My mom and mother-in-law took good care of me at treatment this week!