First Chemo Treatment Down!
Last night, before my first chemo treatment, I felt like I was packing to go on a trip! Booties/gloves with ice packs (to ward off permanent neuropathy in my fingers and toes), lidocaine cream (to numb my port before they stick me), a computer (for work if I have free hands), snacks, a blanket, water bottle, a comfy outfit... At one point, Anthony and I just looked at each other and laughed. It still seems surreal at times that this is our new path. Around this time a year ago, we were packing to go to Cancun to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary (glad we did that!). What a difference a year makes. We had what felt like pre-game jitters-just ready to get going. We also had a sweet prayer time as a family, reminding each other that God is with us.
This morning, as we arrived at the Asplundh Cancer Pavilion in Willow Grove, we felt completely at peace—such a gift. At other times, I have prayed for a peace that passes understanding and haven't always experienced it, but today was different. I truly felt a calm, steady, peacefulness and determination to get started—thanks to all of your prayers!
My port worked great! The ice gloves and booties on my hands and feet during my Taxol infusion were freezing(!!), but only lasted 1.5 hrs. And I had Friends playing on TV to distract me :)
The Pavilion is a beautiful place—almost spa-like. They even come around with a lunch cart around 11 AM to give the patients a small lunch to get them through. If you have to go through cancer, this is an amazing place to do it. I had no concerning reactions to any of the meds I received today, which is an answer to prayer!
Everyone was so kind. The NP and nurses were attentive, patient, and helpful. Many "extra" people came in today—social worker, nurse navigator, financial navigator—so it was a busier day than it will typically be, but they were all great. We discovered that our social worker is a Christian, and she and her husband even visited our church a few weeks ago! We loved seeing firsthand how God is using her to help and bless others in her job. We encouraged each other in the Lord.
I came home surprisingly energized due to the steroids in my IV, so I got some errands done, had a delightful walk with my daughter on this beautiful sunny (gusty!) day, and did odds and ends around the house. I'm sure I will crash at some point, but trying to make the most of the energy I have now. You can continue to pray that side effects will be manageable and that I will soon find a rhythm for what to expect. But mostly, give God joyful thanks for his generous love and care for us today!
At one point during my treatment, after I looked up at the IV bags dripping into my bloodstream (more medicine than my body has ever experienced in my lifetime, let alone in one sitting!), I put my earbuds in and listened to a song we sang in church this week called For God Alone (Psalm 62) by Worship Initiative. (Here is the link to listen. See lyrics below). I sat in the chair with tears of joy and thankfulness running down my face because I knew God was right there with me—my faithful friend and Savior who in all my life has never left me and never will. Nothing can separate me from his love...not even cancer (Romans 8:38-39). Ultimately, even Anthony, my most precious human partner in life, can't meet every need I have (though he tries :)). The fact is that I will need to endure some things alone; God will be the only one who can and will go straight into the fire with me. And eventually, at some point, He will gently shepherd me into eternity. Of course, I'm praying that this will be later rather than sooner, but it's something that has crossed my mind a lot more lately, and this promise of his unwavering presence becomes richer and richer as I get to know him more and more. Even when I don't understand his ways, he has convinced me through his death on the cross that proved it, and the countless ways he shows up to love me in this life that his heart toward me is good, compassionate, and kind. His perfect character does not allow him to be anything else. He, too, has walked the road of suffering, so he gets it. I can trust him.
For God Alone (Psalm 62) - By Worship Initiative
How long will I wait? How long will I wonder?
Restless though I be, I'll stay here at Your feet. How long till You speak to me?
Even in the night, even in the battle
Surely I'll grow faint, but there will come a day, you'll show me it was not in vain
Bridge
Lord, You have spoken, still I forget, power and love are yours
You will remind me time and again: great is your faithfulness
I am but a breath; all I own a vapor
In riches and in need, help my heart to see the treasures of eternity
Chorus
For God alone my soul will wait in silence
For God alone, my Rock and my Salvation
I will pour out my heart, pledge all my trust
Oh for God is a refuge for us