A Wake Up Call
I got a piece of mail this week that made me laugh. It was my annual reminder to schedule a mammogram—something I have not failed to do since the age of 35. Yes, last year at this time—July 2023—I came away from my mammogram with a clear scan, a clean bill of health. Only 6 months later did I discover a 3 cm mass in my right breast. I’m very thankful that a brief pang and self exam brought the cancer to my attention. Thank you, Lord, that I am where I am on this journey. One more round of chemo to go!!
In answer to your prayers, my nausea was better managed with this cycle by taking a stronger med combined with my other nausea meds. (So many pills! Getting them all down with an upset tummy is quite a feat). Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are still my crummiest, stay-in-bed days, but the nausea was not as all-consuming as in previous rounds. Wednesday surprised us with Flu-like symptoms and a low-grad fever due to dehydration. Staying hydrated has always been a struggle for me in the best of health (Anthony has called me his little “desert mouse"), and now with nausea and reflux as added deterrents, it's extra difficult—but necessary!! Please pray that I remain consistent with my fluid intake.
This week, we received some grievous news that our friend (from our seminary days), passed away suddenly in her late 40s, leaving behind her husband and 2 teenage daughters. The brevity of our earthly lives already feels more tangible in this season of cancer, and this sobering news keeps it front of mind.
You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes (James 4:14).
Our days on the earth are like a shadow… (1 Chronicles 29:15).
The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away. … So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:10, 12).
Lord, teach me to number my days and be intentional with how I spend my limited time here. Here are some categories that help me evaluate my life and priorities:
Am I right with God?
People are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment (Hebrews 9:27).
None is righteous, no, not one. … All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 310, 23).
The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23).
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved (Romans 10:13).
To all who received him [Jesus] and believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12).
[Jesus says,] My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand (John 10:27-28).
My standing with God is my first priority. And the only way I can be right with God, is through His Son, Jesus. The verses above hold both hard and liberating truth. It’s hard to hear that I am in an eternally deadly predicament. I am born with cancer of the soul. I am separated from God and face an eternity in hell apart from him. He is perfect, I am not. No amount of my trying will reach his standard of virtue and goodness. Without a solution outside of myself, I’m sunk.
But God, who wants relationship with us, made a way out of this mess! Jesus, God’s own son, came to earth, died on the cross in our place, and paid the penalty for our waywardness. He was buried and raised from the dead 3 days later, beating death for all time!
Now, all who call on Jesus, pushing all of their chips in on him, will be saved from eternal death and given eternal life. And that life starts right now! If anyone is in Christ, he/she is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I have trusted in Jesus wholeheartedly. I belong to him. This is the hinge point of my whole life. And while my cancer is “curative,” my time on earth will at some point come to an end. I don’t fear death, because I am already safe in Jesus. Because he lives, I too will live in Heaven with him after my earthly life is over. His perfect record has become my own. I don’t live trying to earn his favor—I already have it! I am never left alone to deal with life’s sorrows. I am God’s dearly loved daughter. This good news never gets old to me. And these sturdy truths have only proven themselves in this season of cancer.
To my dear friends reading this who have not yet called on Jesus, please consider these things. And please reach out. I love talking about and thinking through honest questions.
And to my dear friends who have made the decision to follow Jesus, may you delight in your identity as a dearly loved child of God and love others the way he has loved you.
With the biggest piece of my life in place, I can order my priorities around it:
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms (1 Peter 4:10).
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them (Ephesians 2:10).
Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).
The “Time, Talents, Treasure” paradigm is always helpful to me:
Where can I best use my Time to invest in God’s purposes?
How can I use my Talents to serve others?
Where should I invest my Treasure; the material things that God has given me?
Anthony and I are talking a lot about these things these days. Re-evaluating. Soul searching. What do we need to take with us from this season going forward? What needs to change? Similar to the “shutdown” during the 2020 pandemic, cancer has caused us to slow our pace and consider life going forward. Please pray for wisdom for us as we do this.
Thankfully, my friend had also trusted Jesus with her life. She is now experiencing the joy of eternity face-to-face with her Savior. May I, too, fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith. Remembering that there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing (2 Timothy 4:7-8).
Prayer:
Relief from nausea and reflux, and protection for my voice through all of this.
That, in spite of the nausea, I will be consistent with my fluid intake.
Continue to pray for a "complete response" (no remaining cancer cells) so I don't have to get further treatment.
For wisdom as Anthony and I re-evaluate life and priorities.
Courage to get through my last AC treatment on August 5. It’s only 1 more (!) but feels intimidating nonetheless.
That I will be well enough to take Maddie to college mid-August.
Pictures: (1) Thankful for my wonderful oncologist, Dr. Pooja Suresh (2) Two of our favorite infusion nurses, Carly and Angela (L > R)